Graduation was tonight and it was alright. I mean it wasn’t the best night of my life or anything but it was kind of great and I smiled a lot and my face hurts but I mean it hasn’t hit me yet. At all. I was so jittery and jumpy and couldn’t sit or stand still the entire time we were in the locker rooms. Everyone who looked at me laughed at me because I was moving around so much. But the entire night I felt like I was on the verge of getting butterflies. I never really got that feeling. I didn’t cry at all the entire night. I cried so much on Wednesday and yesterday and I just didn’t cry at all today. I mean I felt sad sometimes, but I really don’t feel like anything important happened today. I don’t get it.
Hey you guys……..I graduated from high school today.
We’ve made it through everything together: new friends, losing friends, JV paddling, spider bites, Sheraton Bowls, bad decisions, worse decisions, crushes, games, first kisses, second kisses, third kisses, etc., first boyfriends, first breakups, ER visits and losing tons of weight, puppies and pizza, months without a real conversation, terrible judgement, and fantastic times. Everything but any sort of riff between the two of us because we’ve always been together on everything, even when we weren’t together all the time. Because CA is forever, really. ♡
We graduate from high school tonight, what.
I hate when I see things that are relevant on Tumblr. But since Tumblr pretty much has the same things everywhere all the time, I guess I hate when things happen in my life that bear some relevance to the things often posted on Tumblr. When I see relevant things, I start freaking out like “HOW IS TUMBLR READING MY MIND” and then I can’t reblog any of it because it’s relevant, you know? And even if people won’t know that it’s relevant, I get real paranoid, like people will KNOW that it is relevant and my secrets will get out and I can’t have that happening you know. It’s so frustrating.
Today after I escaped (or ran away, whatever) my dad called to tell me to wait by Long’s if I wanted a ride home so I bought an ice cream sandwich from Long’s and sat at one of the tables downstairs by myself. I was eating my ice cream sandwich when this boy walked up to me and said “Hi.” I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS I AM EATING AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH DO YOU NOT REALIZE I PROBABLY HAVE CHOCOLATE ALL IN MY TEETH AND ON MY MOUTH LIKE REALLY. But all in my head of course I just said “Hi” back and then he said “I would kick myself later if I didn’t say hi because you’re cute” or something silly like that. And I said “Thank you” trying not to display my teeth too much because you know I WAS EATING AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH and he said he had to go to a birthday party and asked if he could have my number and I said “You can add me on Facebook…?” because that’s what I do so that I can remember the guy’s name and face lol.
Tid bits of intuition that I be getting, abandon mission, abandon mission, you must be kidding, this shit feeling different shit feeling too good to me, glistening, shimmering underneath the sunlight, the sunlight.
thats so gotdamn smooth
I’m being silly but hey, you started it so.
My best friend knows me so well really. I haven’t had a real conversation with her in the longest time really and today, all I said was “I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING BUT I CAN’T TELL YOU” and she yelled out a question that assumed that I did exactly what I was going to tell her. I don’t know how to explain this well while being vague, but pretty much she just knew without really knowing that she knew. And it was a great moment. I love her so much.
I just don’t handle stress well. Ever. If it looks like I’m handling stress well, I’m doing a lot worse than crying in public and pulling out my hair. And if I spot out any sort of escape route, I will take it so that I can remove myself from the situation and handle my stress on my own. I should take some sort of stress management class.
There was just too much tension, too much stress, not enough air. Everything was different and that made me sad, but the few things that they kept made me smile. They still have that silly old circle grabber machine thing that Alyxis, Megan, and I got our MAC lobsters from!
But I couldn’t handle it, so I ran away. That’s what I do. I run. That’s all I can think to do, really. I never think of real solutions. I always think, “I’ll get on a flight to Texas.” I hate Texas. Well I’ve never been to Texas but I’ve inherited a general hate for Texas from my parents. But I always think about running away to Texas, and if I had the money for a plane ticket I most definitely would.
|And if I loved you Wednesday,
Well, what is that to you?
I do not love you Thursday--
So much is true.
|And why you come complaining|
Is more than I can see.
I loved you Wednesday,--yes--but what
Is that to me?